last updated: may 7, 2025.
how i’m doing
honestly… not great! but surviving!
in winter i had a spiritual crisis as a result of horny and now i am some kind of demon worshipper i guess. things were really shimmering and glimmering with potential and now they have sort of faded into the background. but i have learnt lessons from it.
more detailed mental health update (vaguely gory/gross imagery)
i’m doing IFS therapy with a therapist right now which i guess befits the spiritual bent of the past few months. it is shockingly eye opening but also ouch ouch owie. i feel like i am getting triggered constantly and like i have a gaping open wound like all the time. it feels like tending to that wound has been most of my existence lately. but… things are looking up! in a burst of energy, i was able to update this site!
if you’re interested in learning more about IFS or other trauma therapies, i am finding this website very helpful as a summary and reminder of concepts and skills.
what i’m making
right now i am concentrating on music, mostly. i’m writing a LOT of songs and submitting to a bunch of music discord competition prompts and just having fun. however, this does mean i have had less time for fanwork.
i really want to find a way to make music for fandom purposes. i’ve thought about maybe doing sampled plunderphonics type stuff? making a virtual band and writing them songs? or of course ‘fan songs’ for specific characters or ships. i’ll consider doing all of these in future.
my illustrations and comics have been on hold pretty much all year. i’ll get back to them, i’m sure, but i just haven’t been inspired to draw anything recently.
projects in progress
- i’m writing a selfship longfic starring robert california and dollthing, my self-insert. it is going to be nasty as hell.
- i’m working on a couple of personal essays for the psychospiritual hypnokink/spirituality essay jam.
art & media i am enjoying
- watching the righteous gemstones right now. still not finished but enjoying it a lot, savouring it like some sacramental wine.
- we’re watching the new doctor who season as it airs, and we always wind up revisiting old who too. i have a big list of master-centric episodes to go through.
- we also just started to be hero x. the animation slaps super hard and currently it feels like a very nuanced take on the superhero deconstruction genre. i’m interested to know where it will go. hero x also seems sexy as hell.
- i’m super into my sporcle quizzes and seterra phone app right now. a lot of fun for killing time and learning things to pull out during trivia shows and feel very sexy for knowing.
- i’m playing hitman: world of assassination and loving EVERY MINUTE
- i also played about a third of hi-fi rush before my xbox play pass ran out… it’s on my list to watch an LP to finish it off because it and its music has been living in my head rent-free. i loved playing it, but i wasn’t very good at it, so would really like to go back but not feel rushed to experience the full story.
- i’ve been reading a lot more than usual. i just started going through dennis cooper’s books (starting with closer), and i’m loving them so far. right now, i’m reading tarantula by thierry jonquet which is very disorienting for such a short book! super impressive.
credits
this page was inspired recursively by scumsuck’s now page which itself was inspired by nownownow.com.